Dating a man who has kids is never an easy situation. The man may be perfect, but you always have to deal with the fact that his attention will be split. The first thing you have to consider is whether or not you can deal with this type of situation, and whether or not the guy you’re dating is actually worth the effort. If the answers to both of these questions are “yes,” then here are some tips for making it a little easier.
First, and most importantly, talk to your man. Don’t worry about seem overly needy here, you need to express exactly how you are feeling about his split attention and your awkward role in his child’s life. Bringing it up will help you to not repress your feelings and it will let him know that you care enough about him to talk about it.
Don’t be condescending to his children. Now this will apply differently to children of different ages, obviously if he is raising a baby then it is OK to talk to it like a baby, but if he is raising an adolescent or even a teenager you need to tread carefully. Your best bet here is honesty, tell the boy or girl that you care about his or her father very much and that you would never try to take the place of his or her mother. After you do this, be willing to accept the fact that his children may not like you, and it may take a very long for his child to warm up to you.
Try to maintain a courteous relationship with his child’s mother. Assuming the man you’re with is not a widower, then you need to be somewhat respectful of his ex. Don’t ever speak ill of her in front of the children and at least play nice when you do have to interact. This can be a dangerous situation, so when in doubt just err on the side of formal respect.
Finally, if he has a school age child, don’t expect him to be willing to uproot his life. Since his child is in school, he is probably set in his job and his child has developed his or her social circle. Despite loving you, his first priority is to his child’s well-being, so don’t ever assume that he will move across the country to follow you if your dreams or job take you there.
Ultimately, when dating a man who has kids, you need to accept the fact that you may have to cater to his family’s needs more than your own.